Obscure Freedom

Written by Julia Sokol

Sitting at my desk
looking out my window
I wonder what this is I’m feeling
on this Monday afternoon

A piece of the Freedom Tower peeking
through the fog and through the buildings
offering me a perfectly obstructed view
on this mundane afternoon

A city formed by geometric patterns
from the streets up to the clouds
Vertical lines from my office window
form a cage around my perimeter
presenting the illusion
that this city
is the problem

It’s not this city that locks me up
It’s me
But it’s not me who gets me through the day
It’s caffeine
Don’t you know the routine?
8 ounces just to get your heart beating
Another 8 will bring some feeling
Another 8 just for the sake
of taking a break

I used to craft with scraps and glue

Now I craft my personality
Self-imposing limitations
Destructing that which made me me

I’m a firefighter
Not a freedom fighter
Something sparks the flame
I shoot it down with precision
but it’s never extinguished

I keep it low, deprived of oxygen
A steady flame
where it won’t harm anyone else…
Except me.

Desperate for some authentic feeling
I want to yell in the middle of this meeting
just to see how you’ll react

What if I show you that I’m human?
Why should I feel ashamed to admit
that the focus of my life is my vacations
and not my occupation.

I’m here just because you pay me.
Am I crazy or do you also feel the same way?

An epidemic, it’s the truth
So easy to be complacent
Wasting our bright youth
beneath these white fluorescents

Well… at least I have this window.
But, am I lucky or the opposite
to have these glimpses,
through the fog,
of obscure freedom?

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